No experience certificate for those who refuse to show a slave mentality

\”I am capable of doing this for you But I will not do it\” – A Tamil Movie dialogue.

Last year, I worked for this person from my own community (he is a professor). He gave me a job as a Research Assistant (that was what he told me). He paid me correctly, a good amount of money. I worked hard, providing him with exceptional data from the ground, along with recordings. Then he promised me more work in the future but suddenly disappeared from the region. I thought money was what I needed, and he provided it properly, so I let it be.

Throughout the four months, we worked peacefully, with him always praising me for my rare findings from the ground. I believed he would guide me in the future, particularly in technical aspects such as academic writing and speech. I started to believe I had a research mind and the patience to listen and figure out important aspects from participants, connecting them with media theories. I dreamed of writing more papers to identify, deconstruct pop culture, and develop my community in the future. In one phone call, he abruptly changed my whole plan, at least temporarily.

Now, I am employed but still applying important strategies to push my career forward. I thought to ask for an experience certificate from him as well. Casually, I called him today, slowly explaining that the experience certificate from him would give my applications weight. However, he started scolding me again. One thing I couldn\’t accept was his accusation of fraud. I had no intention to cheat anyone; I sincerely worked for him. Perhaps I was less experienced and less trained, but I know the core of research is knowledge and new perspectives. Writing it into a paper in a structural format might be difficult for a newcomer, which is where a supervisor comes in. I did my part sincerely, even sacrificing sleep some nights. Yet, he didn\’t offer me any help beyond payment. He only comes to the field to take pictures with fishermen during our focus group discussion.

He called me a fraud during today’s phone call. I, who got already fucked up in life due to financial crises, mid-twenties crises, and other personal and office issues, politely said to him, “Sir, I don’t understand why you are treating me like this, but I sincerely worked for you. Why are you complaining about it whenever I ask for your experience certificate? The data and reports were given to you, completely I collected from the ground, some of the findings rare and my own connections of facts with theories. If I use that data, I can even write a good paper.”

He stopped and asked me, \”Whose data?\” I replied, \”Our data.\” He suddenly clarified with me – I was a worker who got paid for collecting the data – there is no other authority I have on that data.

Then he told me one unexpected thing that clarified all my confusion – why I showed arrogance to him and questioned him in front of other people during a meeting one evening. Suddenly, he got angry and told me that if someone else were in his place, they would have slapped me on my cheeks. He repeated the sentence again. (such a ego person)

The incident happened in January 2023. I don’t remember completely what happened. What I can recall now is that it was the second week of our research. There was a very short argument. I wrote an article at that time on roundtableindia.org, criticizing privileged caste journalists in India and discussing the struggles of journalists from indigenous communities. As a member of a fishermen community, it was my experience. Even though this professor is also from my community, he has a slave mentality towards the upper caste. A crucial point is that he was also a columnist; he even wrote articles in The Hindu.

I criticized people who praised Journalist Ravish Kumar in that article and considered him a model journalist; who coming from a privileged caste, he talks about village struggles in the media and gets all the attention, while indigenous journalists are left behind when they tell their own stories, which are more important for the development of these ethnic groups.

He advised me not to write about them like this. I didn’t agree with him by my facial expression. Then, we discussed a lot of stuff. At one point, he told me he could find a more efficient, educated researcher from a big university instead of me – indirectly implying he was doing charity to me. I politely replied to that insult, saying, “My father is an illiterate fisherman, and his son, me, holding a post-graduation from a central university, is not equal to students who get admission to big universities just because their fathers are wealthy, they are from an upper caste, and they know some CBSE English. If you want people from the city, you can take them. Why would you pick me?\”

(The surprising thing here is he is also from the same background and has become a well-respected figure with his capacity. He is guiding students from various backgrounds in his college. I am proud of him for that achievement, but I don’t understand why he would think less of me.) We had a mutual connection friend present there; he intervened and made me apologize to him. I needed the money at that time, so I apologized.

He was a senior in my community and an academician. So, we don’t make them think that we are not respecting them – even though we are respecting them, that\’s why we are speaking our minds to them. He accepted my apology and bought me chaya and parippu vada from a local coffee shop the next day. He talked about a lot of opportunities that he could help me get. He wanted to research the fishermen community, so he preferred postgraduates from the community. I was available, and he had already sent my details to his council one week ago. Mutually, we resumed the research again. But I didn’t know that he kept all this in his mind for this long.

I know I can get that opportunity even without his certificate. But I asked him to help me. I can’t believe people can be this much silly. He cut the call after meaninglessly murmuring with me.

After the phone call, I used the situation to analyze my behavior. Did I do anything wrong? No, I always respected other people, even though they discriminated against me sometimes. When people, whoever they are, show self-respect to their oppressor, it makes me happy. I have never been complained about by people with less power than me for showing arrogance; only the oppressors or privileged individuals have complained about me like this.

How can it be arrogance when we tell them our reality? That they don\’t talk to me like this actually feels insulting to my birthplace or my overall efforts to come this far from being downtrodden. It is my poverty that forces me to explain to you how you are kicking me when I am down. Cowards.

I like to collaborate for peace and growth, but not at the expense of losing my self-respect. So, if they think this is arrogance, yes, I am arrogant. But still, I am okay with using these silly clowns’ recommendation letters. You know why? The world is not ideal; we have to play by understanding the game\’s tricks without diverted from our own purpose.

Thanks to this professor, I was waiting for a push to write again. He is the reason I restarted my long writing again because then only I can feel better, feel relief.

NB: What a fool he is! These data were collected primarily by me, from the ground – three months of listening to people. I have all the recordings and data. Moreover, I am the only one who can explain the reports very well because all of this was written by me. Knowledge is also power, not only certificates.